BOO! Humbug.

Well time to add one more to the list. Along with staying up late and loud bar bands I must now add Halloween to the list of things that no longer hold any charm for me.

I guess that I used to enjoy dressing up, shelling out and such but it was a long time ago. As a teenager, it was the excuse to inhabit another persona for a brief period was very exhilarating and freeing. Though even then there was always the caveat – I still wanted to be comfortable. And look pretty. Nobody takes home the girl dressed as a plague victim. (Though that one is easy to pull off this time of year – it is cold and flu season)

Later on, dressing my kids was an exercise in compromise. My eldest son decided one year that he wanted to be a refrigerator and there was no talking him out of it. Luckily, the large box with the opening door showing cream cheese etc. fulfilled my caveat for them – you need to be able to fit a snowsuit under your costume. I live north of Toronto – we often have some snow around Halloween. Yes you are a princess but you have to be a SNOW princess!

Now, I lock up my black cat in the barn, turn off all the lights and block the long driveway to stop the kids from even coming to knock. I don’t buy candy, or hang ghosts in the trees, or have a pumpkin. Nothing. I don’t like it.

Last night I was downtown for dinner and the theatre. When we left the show it was just about 11:00 p.m. and the nightclubs were just getting going. Every club was lined up with kids in costumes, shivering while they waited to get in. There was a great variety in the costumes of course but the vast majority of girls had a similar theme. Here’s my ass.

It mattered little if they were dressed as a French maid, a sexy witch or Mrs. Claus. It was only an excuse to wear high heels, stockings and what would be classified as a skirt only at a skating competition. And no coat – not wanting to spoil the effect! Did I mention it was below freezing?

We saw a pair of guys on the street, one in a Mexican wrestler mask, the other wearing boxing gloves. What are the odds that they ended up in some physical altercation before the night was out?

Dressing up has always been an excuse to exercise your inner demons, often against your better judgment. We dodged many happy revelers who darted in front of our car – and this was at start of the evening. Okay, it was the start of the evening for them. I was on my way home to bed.

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14 thoughts on “BOO! Humbug.

  1. I love your humour Leslie..almost as good as in person….keep going girl! My “Here’s My Ass” costume will be fat and flannel clad 🙂

  2. I laughed so hard at this! My husband and I went out yesterday to celebrate our Halloween Anniversary (yeah, we got married on Halloween!) and right around the time we were ready to head home from our favorite Irish Pub (around 10:30 or so), all the young ladies and gentleman were starting to arrive. “Show my ass” as you described it is very appropriate, haha!!

  3. Great post! I love the title, too! I am now in the “dressing my kid” for Halloween stage of life, and Halloween has definitely lost its allure. I am trying to be a good sport, but I would be more than happy to nix this holiday and move on!

  4. University campuses are the absolute worst; I got invited to a party by five girls in lingerie. I asked what they were dressed up as and they just laughed at me.

  5. I agree with you on the candy beggars that come around on Halloween. I too pretend we are not home! The costumes are bearable but I go off the deep end when parents tote their infants around and expect me to believe the candy they are begging for are going to be consumed by their 3 month old infant. Uh huh! Right!?!
    Thanks for stopping in over at my place….much appreciated!

  6. Leslie, this may be a reflection of aging but it is also deeply insightful and humorous about what qualifies as costumes nowadays, which is rather nauseating. I’m still figuring out what exactly my project is, but you are on the list.

    Lisa

  7. We dont have Halloween In Kenya and ity would sound strange having a festival of the sort though there are a lot of traditional festivals that would make Halloween seem spiritual. Love the humour in the piece… great writing

  8. Dear Leslie:I read this wonderful wit one year after conception, a result of your FB post. As I sit in my kitchen, I startled the strange cat that occupies this home because of my bellows of laughter. Thank you; needed that. Peter

  9. Written like a true empty nester! Well, I still look at the homes like yours that don’t shell out on Halloween, entertaining thoughts of supplying the local hooligans with eggs.

  10. Just wanted to say. I don’t know why they think their ass is so special. Truth is we all have one. And there’s nothing special about mine. And to be honest, I don’t look at it much. All I see is a big Crack, big deal. Oh well. simple minds have simple pleasures, I guess.

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