I tried LSD for the first time when I was 15 years old.
I lost my virginity the same night.
Actually it was.
My deflowerer was a male friend a couple of years older than me
Sid was that guy in high school who learned an important secret really early on;
Shut the fuck up
When the guys would gather in the change room after the game sharing mostly invented information about sexual conquests with the girls in our school, Sid would remain quiet. He never said a word.
Plus he had the added appeal of being heartbroken – the love of his high school life having left him for his best friend. At 15 that was powerful stuff – and he actually showed that he cared.
Years later, I found out he had been sleeping with multiplegirls in my school. At the same time. Some of whom had steady boyfriends whom they were NOT sleeping with. Sid had that kind of trust. Nobody ever knew.
I was spending Saturday night at his house, his parents away. The party had wound down and everyone else had left. Another couple, a close girlfriend of mine and her boyfriend, were sleeping upstairs. It was an ideal romantic setup. But unlike the majority of the girls I knew, I wasn’t attracted to Sid. He was blonde.
He was, however, fit, relaxed and a great deal of fun. He asked if I wanted to try LSD. He had taken a sample of the batch before so knew the strengths and and effects. I really wanted to try it. And I had all night – my parents thinking I was sleeping at my friend’s house and vice versa. I felt safe. I put the blotter under my tongue.
Sid said “it won’t work for 45 minutes”. So we sat on the couch, listening to music and literally watched the clock move 45 minutes.
I then turned to him to tell him it didn’t work on me and the room began to melt, in the nicest way. And we were off. Other than making the classic rookie mistake of LOOKING IN THE MIRROR I had a lovely time. We laughed our guts out. Ended up waking up my friend’s boyfriend – a future television star – for real – with our noise and he entertained us for a few minutes in Sid’s kitchen while we ate ice cream out of the carton. So much fun.
After a night of drug fuelled antics, the sun began to rise. We decided to lay down on his parents huge bed to try and sleep. Impossible of course. It was ridiculously bright in their room. And we were still ridiculously high.
He said “I want to ask you something but I don’t want you to feel at all uncomfortable”. Oh my God what is the question? Does he want to have sex with me? Is it something else? The irony is that, at 15, I was only terrified that he wouldn’t find me attractive enough to want to sleep with me.
Because you see – I had a plan. For real. I had already decided that I would not let my ‘first time’ be with someone I loved. I didn’t want it to be awkward, embarrassing or painful. I had heard far too many stories. Let’s get the awkward, painful time out of the way with someone else.
So, it’s 5:15 on Sunday morning, and we are both lying fully dressed on top of his parent’s bedspread in broad daylight. Sid asked most respectfully if I wanted to have sex. Terrified, but relieved I said indeed I did. And then I told him that I was a virgin. He was surprised – I put out a pretty bold persona – but asked if I was really sure that I wanted to proceed. I assured him that I was 100% down.
I asked him then, what comes next?
And he said,
“Do you want to stand up or sit down to do it”?
Now you gotta believe I was trying so very hard to be cool at this point. But this was too much.
“Sid, for fuck’s sake it’s my first time – can’t we just do it lying down?”
And he said “I meant how we are going to take off your clothes”. Oh.
I kinda tried to go with the flow at that point. And closed my eyes.
When we had some difficulty with penetration so he left the room to apply some Vaseline and I made the mistake of looking up as he came back. Massively, fully erect and gleaming in the bright sunlight. Terrifying.
He was incredibly gentle and patient. But it was still a painful and awkward event. Afterwards, he fell asleep – men! – and I slipped out of the house and walked home. Still high.
At school on Monday, rather than avoid me as I had feared, Sid asked me to come to his house after school. Oh no not again! My mission was accomplished and I really didn’t want to do it again with him but it seemed rude to say no…
That was actually my female adolescent brain’s thought process.
Imagine my surprise when his reason for asking me over was to ensure that I was comfortable with him and what had transpired. He also wanted to make sure I was okay physically. We remained good friends.
Later, when the time came to become intimate with someone I loved, it was so much easier. I looked Sid up a few years ago. No surprise to anyone that he has been married forever to the same woman and looks supremely happy. She is a lucky woman.